Holy Shit, it's been a LONG time...

Well, damn, I'm sorry folks. I didn't mean to neglect this blog like this, but I still come back and do it every now and then. If you want to know what's up, I've been working on some feature films, sooo not much time for free listing, unless I'm looking for production supplies.

Which has lead me to this goldmine of recent posts. Enjoy!!!

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So... it's a paperweight?

Free Dead Macbook Pro Battery (Downtown)
Date: 2009-07-19, 11:38AM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

This battery works, but dies within 15 minutes if the computer is not on the charger.

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Butt Platz

big fluffy club chair (mt bonnell)
Date: 2009-07-20, 11:46AM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

This club chair has 'good bones' as those in the industry say. The arms have spring-loaded shock absorbers built-in so sitting on the arms won't harm it or break it down. The cushions are down-filled and the base is loaded with springs.

It's a comfortable chair to sit in while reading and it accommodates all manner of sitting: sideways with your legs hanging over the side, upside-down with your legs over the back, sideways the other way, or regular. It's big enough for a couple of people to sit in it at the same time. You will doze off and have happy dreams in this big fluffy chair.

Drag it down to your favorite coffee shop for your private butt platz or put it out on your front porch in Hyde Park or Clarksville.

It's free and it's Big Trash week in our neighborhood so hurry.

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I really want to know what the SICK JOKE was... I'm leaving the reply up so someone can email them...

Re: ALL free MUST go Immediately (sw austin 78748)
Date: 2009-07-22, 3:08PM CDT
Reply to: sale-kdu9y-1283550817@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

It is a SICK joke by someone.

It has been reported to Austin Police department to investigate. It is harassment.

Craigslist has this person's email address in the database record, so there is a trace to identify this person. Everyone who drove by can later join to sue this person for your time wasted by this sick joke.

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IE, I drunk parked my car on my neighbor's lawn gnome.

1999 Mustang tire and bent rim (Kyle)
Date: 2009-07-21, 3:43PM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

It is what it is. Rim was bent by hitting a curb.

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Way to take ALL the fun out of free sales...

YARD FREE (LEANDER)
Date: 2009-07-18, 4:59PM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

YARD FREE SALE EVERYTHING ON FRONT LAWN IS FREE FOR THE TAKING JUST NO RIPPING THINGS APART AND THROWING THEM ALL OVER PLEASE COME OVER ASAP.

--------------------------------

BAKE RITE 4 U


FREE BAKE RITE (AUSTIN)
Reply to: XXXXX
Date: 2009-07-14, 10:47AM CDT


HELLO I HAVE 10 FREE BAKE RITE FOR YOU, A LIVE IN SOUT AUSTIN

---------------------------------

These songs certainly are "jems"...

Songs to warm the heart (Austin)
Reply to: XXXXX
Date: 2009-07-13, 4:04PM CDT


I came back to work from vacation to find these two lovely CDs sitting in our kitchen just waiting for a new home. The post-it note that sits atop these two jems reads "Free CDs".

I have no idea where they came from, but someone in our office has grown tired of Michael Crawford's rendition on "Only You" ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/recsradio/radio/B000002ISV/ref=pd_krex_dp_001_001?ie=UTF8&track=011&disc=001 )enough to give them up for adoption to a loving home. I'm sure that there is someone out there that has been looking for both of these music masterpieces and I want to make their dreams come true by offering them up on CL for free!

Just think, tonight you can be sitting in a bubble bath listening to "Other Pleasures/The First Man You Remember"
http://www.amazon.com/gp/recsradio/radio/B000002ISV/ref=pd_krex_dp_001_001?ie=UTF8&track=012&disc=001

Who doesn't remember the timeless classic "Any Dream Will Do"?
http://www.amazon.com/gp/recsradio/radio/B000002ISV/ref=pd_krex_dp_001_001?ie=UTF8&track=001&disc=001

Come and get 'em.

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This one needs no caption.

Free Colostomy Supplise (Georgetown)
Date: 2009-07-24, 9:13AM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

Several styles of pouches and skin barriers and related supplise.
Email with questions and a more detailed description.
Not a whole lot of stuff...just too much to through out.
Good Luck...!

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Big enough for my mother in law, or girl friend...

Ex-Large Dog Kennel Cage Good enoug for your Mother In Law Free (Round Rock)
Date: 2009-07-24, 7:32AM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

I have an Extra Large Dog Kennel Cage it's big enough for your Mother In Law or your Girle friend 1st come 1st serve Jhonny

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A fine butchering of the English language that's worthy of a... Juicy Juice.

Juice Boxs small about 3 to 5 oz (Decatur 30032)
Date: 2009-07-21, 1:40PM EDT
Reply to: XXXX

I get these juice boxs in my roommate meals and he can't drink them becouse of the sugar. I think there about 20 maybe 30 of them. Diffecne favor. whould be great for a kids lunch box or snack.

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Because your son's accomplishments mean nothing.

Free Trophies (St Charles)
Date: 2009-07-24, 10:19AM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

Time to let my son's sports trophies go. About 40 baseball, basketball, track & swimming golf trophies & plaques ready to be reused.

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Free prize to whoever figures out what this is...

0 petite size ladies black paint by christopher &banks brand (crest hill,il)
Date: 2009-07-24, 9:20AM CDT
Reply to: XXXX

buy it online ,just take it free

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It's like the beginning of a Lifetime mystery movie...

to whom ever accedently picked up a brown satchel (spring valley)
Date: 2009-07-18, 8:05PM PDT
Reply to: XXXX

On Pinegrove st. Saw 2 blonde women in a greyish silver car take a brown satchel out of a trailer that was in my driveway, that was not part of the things given away! Please it had papers of my fathers no good to anyone, if you could bring back, maybe I can find something to trade! The ad was already down and I was storing stuff in there to put back in garage! Please, have a heart! Thanks!

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I have been searching years for one of these by itself...


pt cruiser door for parts (galveston)
Date: 2009-07-21, 7:10PM CDT
Reply to:XXXX

Silver rear driver side door for a 2004 PT Cruiser. Big dent but glass, window regulator and motor, etc are still good. Free to take away, in Galveston.

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This one is not so much funny as just AWESOME. At least, if you're a filmmaker like me, it is...

KEM 35MM FLATBED EDITING TABLE (HOLLYWOOD)
Date: 2009-07-24, 6:02PM PDT
Reply to: XXXX

KEM FLATBED EDITING TABLE - LOCATED IN HOLLYWOOD AND AVAILABLE TO ANYONE WHO WANTS IT. METAL SCRAPPERS WELCOME. ABSOLUTELY NO DELIVERY - YOU MUST ARRANGE PICK UP.

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And our PICK OF THE DAY, this one coming straight from the Valley...

jess{quick&cheaphauling}scam-artists (duarte)
Date: 2009-07-24, 11:12AM PDT
Reply to: see below

half-ass job HELL SCAM THE OLD AND USE YOU TIL YOUR BROKE AINT NOTHING BUT A JOKE JESS AND SHERI ARE THE VALLEYS BIGGEST SIDE SHOW CLOWNS

Oh HELLO.

So I've got some new craigslist listings for you all... well, not really...new...per se... more like... ok this is just the next set of listings I have saved. First we start off with a good ol' chunk of DEAR ABBY on the free listings...

Yes, this one is definitely outdated, but still... awkward... to say the least...

hurricane ike info (nueces)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-09-09, 8:05PM CDT

Hello Corpus Christi, well as you all know. hurricane ike will more likly hit us. are you prepared? well the City of Corpus Christi has called all employees to be on called.( which means that there will be shelters available in your area ) City will notify the employee first, then call for a voluntary evacation. So be prepare with ur belongings. Good Luck. --XXX

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What if I live 21 miles away?

JUST ASK IF YOU NEED HELP (Paris, TN)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-08-01, 12:30AM EDT

We have all had hard times in our life when you need help (no money just help) call ---- or e-mail @ xxx@yahoo.com

based out of Paris, TN but will travel up to 20 miles thats all we can travel for now

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Just don't ask him for advice on spelling & grammar.

ADVICE
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-08-25, 5:28AM EDT

HELLO MY NAME IS JOSEPH
I am a 46 year old white male. The father of 2 boys that are almost grown up.
I am offering free annomonus advice. My 2 cents for free. They say you get what you pay for and I believe that is true. So you can consider this as a sounding board. I will say that I have no reson to tell you, what you want to hear.

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I'm looking to decorate my master's dungeon. What color palette do you suggest we use outside of the regular Black & Red routine? don't want to be stereotypical LOL :) :) :)

FREE HELP PICKING COLORS FOR PAINTING (BERKS COUNTY)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-08-14, 7:49PM EDT

I HAVE BEEN PAINTING FOR 25 YEARS AND HAVE THE KNACK OF PICKING GREAT COLORS FOR PEOPLES HOMES INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, CONTACT ME IF YOU NEED AN EXPEARENCED EYE FOR COLORS. e- mail me and I will send you examples. PAINTING U.S.A. XXX Robert

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Can you remove kids and husband from the house? KTHNXBAI

FREE HELP ON HOW TO FIX THINGS AROUND YOUR HOUSE
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-09-06, 3:18PM CDT

JUST EMAIL AND I'LL HELP YOU THROUGH AS MUCH AS I CAN, ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH HOMES

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And now for some non-themed items... enjoy!

This guy sounds like a catch, which is precisely why no one wants him.

Free Person (ireland)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-09-03, 5:56PM IST

One free male,some good qualities. Model, athlete and relatively well read, non smoking social drinker. Vegan animal lover.twenty eight years old. In good health. Free to good owner who is willing to take me away from it all. For a portfolio and pictures email XXX

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For the latest in sawing a woman in half technologies...

MAGICIAN'S MAGAZINES (MERRIMACK, NH)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-09-09, 2:59AM BST

MAGIC MAGAZINES (FREE) AVAILABLE FOR THOSE WITH A SINCERE INTEREST IN MAGIC, GOOD FOR TEENS OR ADULTS. (LINKING RING, MUM, MAGIC AND GENII ETC.) RESPOND WITH DESCRIPTION OF YOUR MAGICAL INTEREST.

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Find me a place that takes expired coupons STAT. I've got YEARS of free cat food coming to me...

FREE EXPIRED US coupons!!!! (Tx, USA)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-08-12, 5:56PM CEST

I have 2 priority boxes FULL of coupons!! ALL I ask is that you send 2 priority stamps to cover the postage!! I know that there are families that can use these!! The last Squad I supplied came back home.

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Free money!

Cup of Change (Hog's Back)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-09-07, 2:40PM EDT

1 half-full cup of change. Mostly pennies, dimes, and nickels. Might be worth upwards of $10. Pick up only. Sorry no photos.

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This guy is all talk. He never responded to my email threat of meeting behind the bleachers.

Free ass kicking (St Johns)
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-08-14, 2:08AM ADT

Call me and set a time and a date and its on.

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It's always awesome when people give away their failed inventions on craigslist...

free impossible rollerskate prototypes (downtown st.cloud)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-08-11, 6:19PM CDT

want really low rolling resistance? try these super rollerblades with 20" bicycle wheels and pneumatic tires.

Like falling down? they're really good for that too.
I built these things and they didn't work nearly as well as they did in my imagination.

maybe you'll have a use for them.
I'm also giving away a lot of other stuff.

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And for the random awesome thing of the week... GARBAGE PAIL KIDS CARDS!!!!

GARBAGE PALE KID CARDS (TUPELO MS)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-09-03, 12:05AM EDT

COLLECTION OF 250 GARBAGE PALE KID CARDS. PLEASE CALL BRANDON AT XXX

OH WOW

I'm sorry that I haven't updated this in forever! I've moved to Austin, TX and have had several big projects to deal with over the past few months. Look for new weird free postings very soon!!!

I'm just not in the mood...

For a theme today, again...

First for today, Slim Jims of the rEVOLution...

Free Ron Paul Slim Jims
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-01-28, 5:04PM EST

I have a few slim jims left over here in florida and would like Georgia get them out . If you are interested please email me .

Thanks

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Oh man, KID ROCK? Have I stumbled across a DEAL or what?!

2 Free Kid Rock Tickets for tonight at the Cajundome!!
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-26, 6:29PM CST

I was headed to Lafayette to see this show myself...but am not able to make it on time. These are 2 tickets, probably not great seats but FREE. Section 320 row FF. All I ask is that you have fun and if ever in the San Antonio area...take me to a concert. These are the printable tickets...so call me at...

Uhhh...I love Kid Rock...have fun!!

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I keep finding these. Come on people, don't leave your free stuff next to stuff you don't want taken... common sense.

Please return my stuff
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-02-19, 1:03PM CST

Someone came to my house to get the table and chairs I had posted on craigslist but they mistakenly took my patio chairs as well and my daughters yellow and black baseball hitting device. My address is .... Please return these items. You may just leave them on the front porch. Thanks

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I know that when I was a child, pretending to be a waitress was all I ever did.

Bunch of used waitress aprons - Free!! ***PENDING PICK UP***
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-12, 12:10AM EST

I have a whole bunch of used aprons from my waitressing and bar-tending days. They are all black. 2 of them have a white and red "Lone _____ Steakhouse & Saloon" logo on the lower corner of one of the pockets.(Not sure If I can mention the whole name due to trademark rights, But I am sure everyone knows what restaurant I am talking about.)

Included in one of the apron pockets is a "Credit Card" book. These are those black rectangular vinyl books that you get your bill in with a slot to slide in your credit card when it comes time to pay.

These would be good for anyone who has to provide their own aprons for work or a child who wants to play dress up as a waitress. There are quite a few of these aprons.

I will wash them again before sending them out to you, but keep in mind these are USED. I worked for way toooo many years as a waitress/bartender and they are ready to be retired from my waist and ready to be wrapped around someone else's.

Free to someone that can use them!!

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Back when Britney was normal...

free britney spears cut out
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-07, 10:07AM CST

FREE cut out of britney spears. life size. she is in kind of rough shape due to the fact that she has been tossed around a few times at parties. so i guess it kind of is like the real britney spears. not to damaged though. the cut out is an advertisement for PEPSi. back when she was normal.

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I want to believe.

Paranormal Research / Investigators
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-26, 6:18PM EST

Thanks for looking, my team and I do Paranormal Research and we are looking for people who believe there homes, buisness, school etc. are experiencing unexplained activity. If you feel you are experiencing anything unusual feel free to email us at ... and we can discuss the activity and if you'd be interested in setting up an interview then an investigation.

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Um... huh?

anyone have a video now,
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-25, 7:13AM EST

found a packaged mick mix NM14 animated movie, any one have a video now , they can have it, im in emerson, NJ

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Sometimes the suggestions of what to do with an item is better than the item itself...

free george bush talking figure
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-28, 5:15PM EST

i got it as a gag gift some years ago from an ex friend. it just takes up space now. says stupid things. burn him, eat him, love him, i dont care just pick it up tonight.
Thanks

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And last but not least, the middle schooler in me will never cease to find this hilarious...

close-up photo of URANUS
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-28, 9:23AM PST

This took some doing but years ago I managed to aquire a vivid color photo of URANUS. But I've recently I've redecorated our family room so this stunning work of art must go to a new home. First come, first serve.


Ciao!

I hate the word "Random"

No theme today. Just straight up craigslist...


Film got destroyed in the projector? Hard drive crashed and you lost all your edits? Terrible acting and lots of continuity issues? Don't fret, film students... Two films, already made for you to claim as your own!

16mm negative 2000ft - 2 films ready for you
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-27, 11:05AM PST

I've got about 2000 feet of 16mm negative. There are two complete shorts already on here; you don't have to shoot anything, just make the soundtrack. Perfect for film students that are on a tight budget.

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Hover cars! They exist!

Air Car
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-24, 10:01PM EST

Have you seen the ads in Boys Life and other magazines for how to make an air car that floats on a layer of air using a vacuum cleaner? I have one that was built years ago, needs a few minor pieces but did work. Made out of plywood so it is fairly heavy and is about 4 feet in diameter. Great for young kids, scouts, science projects, etc.. Email me for more info.

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The End is Nigh! Stock up on pickle tubs!

Pickle Tubs! Who doesn't want pickle tubs?!
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-26, 10:36PM EST

Start your own Stomp-style orchestra!
Prepare for the coming apocalypse with a year's supply of pickles!
Who cares, just take these two pickle tubs! There is only one lid, but unfortunately, you have to take both, because they are stuck together. I don't think it would be too difficult to split, but I can't be bothered. The lid is dirty, but it's clean inside.
Pickup only.

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I'm really not getting the towel analogy here...

Free Good Intentions
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-19, 4:03AM CST

Offering free good intentions; no guarantee they will produce results.
While it may be true that good intentions are a bit like going against the wind, they do -in fact - leave you feeling upbeat, and you don't really need a towel.

Free Good Intentions, here.
Hit me up, and I'll intend something good your way. No towel required.

Peace

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I'm curious about this butt kicking, does it come with the warranty?

Victory
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-02-23, 5:47AM CST

The butt kicking Memphis is going to give Tennessee today is free to all worldwide...... Enjoy

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Red duck tape! Is there anything it can't do???

RIDE ON DUMP TRUCK-FREE
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-08, 10:02PM EST

THIS IS REALLY CUTE RIDE ON DUMP TRUCK, BUT THE RED DUMP PART IS CRACKED. IT CAN BE REMOVED OR TAPED W/ RED DUCK TAPE...I AM SURE. IN FACT, I HAVE RED DUCK TAPE & YOU CAN TAPE IT, IF YOU WANT TO. IF ANYONE WANTS THIS.... IT'S FREE!!!

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A real collector's item...

Original Atari 5200 Box
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-17, 10:16PM CST

that's it, just the box. My neighbor was throwing away and I thought some collector might want it. Box is in decent shape, even has original price tag on it.

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...

wooden rooster head
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-02-21, 2:51PM MST

The head of a carved wooden rooster. Body is missing.

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And to finish it off for today, one beach sandal with a broken strap... I can't believe he's giving this away for free.

Beach or casual
Reply to: XXX
Date: 2008-02-22, 3:41PM GMT

Whilst doing a bit of early 'Spring cleaning', I came across an old somewhat worn, light brown beach sandal. It is one of a pair, and has a broken strap. I'm sure it can be mended. Sadly I cannot find the other one, so I am offering only the one for collection. It is for the left foot. I can offer it free to any interested family or person. May possibly interest someone that hops,.... Perhaps on and off public transport?,... Or to the shops.

Ciao!

Save the Drama for your Mama

Some of my favorite posts in the free listings are not about free things at all. You would think the premise of people giving away free stuff would lead to happy interactions, but some people are all about the drama. Some of these listings are one sided, the original post they are reacting to is gone, which makes them even more interesting. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the soap opera...

Calling a post a SCAM because the person does not respond is pretty common, and...pretty annoying... This is a block of posts related to a shed...


(ORIGINAL POST)
SMALL SHED IN GOOD CONDITION
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-28, 11:23AM EST


Moving and shed needs to go. It was built 1 1/2 years ago. Its 7ft x 7ft. Wood with Siding around and the roof has shingles.There are windows that are made with Plexiglas. it is very dry inside. I have never seen a leak. i have it on cement because my back yard get really soak when it rains. The floor is wood but carpet can be added.****please serious emails only *****THIS NEEDS TO GO TODAY


"FREE SHED POSTING"
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-28, 1:33PM EST


This person does not email back. SCAM? I have emailed several times, no response.


Re: Free Shed
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-02-28, 1:57PM EST

Wow- relax, the person just posted in a couple of hours ago....perhaps they are not glued to their email and have things to do or maybe ... a job.

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There's a lot of anal people on craigslist who will flag the hell out of any post that is remotely humorous, or rip into the original poster like sharks. It's nice when folks defend these original posters' attempts at humor.

Re: free college student to good home
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-24, 6:28AM EST


To the person ripping on the original poster... oh my God! You are the one that needs to get a life! When I read the original post, it brought a smile to my face. I found the listing to be humorous and perfectly worded, and I managed to take it in the fun spirit in which it was intended. Thankfully, none of the (misguided) indignant outrage that seems to be rotting you from within seeped into me. How can you be so uptight and live in Boone?

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I don't even know what the original post for this was about, but this response is gold...

re: free can food/aldi
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-02-28, 2:02PM EST


yea i go to the one in thomasville all the time and theres one in asheboro so i dont know were you live at but obviousely not around here or your just a person that likes to b*tch i mean you dont even know this person they could have 4 or 5 kids to feed yea there is a chance there some crack heads or whatever looking for a free ride but till you know that mind your own business there not bothering you in any way so get over it!!! and no i dont use food stamps i buy my own but i have a friend that gets then and theres have came in late before so it dose happen

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Free handjobs, er, laptops...

RE: Free laptop to needy person.
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-01, 2:36PM EST


A quick Google of the provided phone number shows that it actually belongs to Nicole's Escorts.

Either they're very friendly over there, or someone didn't get the handjob he expected and decided to flood their office with calls.

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Oh shit, they told you!

re:free wedding videography to build experience for videographer
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-23, 9:09AM PST


$10 an hour is not free, you should stick to flipping burgers

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Anyone remember Miss Cleo?

RE;; PSYCHIC READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-31, 12:42PM MST


WOW WHAT A DING BAT
PSYCHIC YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING!!!!
YOU DID NOT LEAVE A NUMBER OR E MAIL TO GET HOLD OF YOU!!!!
OH SINCE YOUR PSYCHIC WE JUST THINK OF YOU & YOU CALL US BACK?????????????

------------------------

Oof. Free breast exams FAIL.

RE free breast exams
Reply to: XXX@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-15, 8:40PM EST


I truly find your post offensive as there are thousands of women that cannot afford this type of exam. I am one of them...I am also dealing with the fact that my mother was diagnosed yesterday with an aggressive form of breast cancer. IF YOU REALY WANT TO "GIVE" SOME ONE A FREE EXAM visit www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2..and click on the pink box and you can really help somebody in need. Oh and by the way I know this was probably mean as a joke...but its not funny.




Ciao!

This deserves its own entry...

Damn yo, this is a wicked long and creepy post...

Giant Bug

---

Reply to: xxx
Date: 2008-03-05, 2:49PM PST

ORIGINAL POST:

Found this guy in the yard today. He's HUGE. I have no idea what he is, but he has big mean chompers in the front and a butt that looks like it could sting a horse. I just as well put him in my neighbors yard before my dog eats him, but then again he might just crawl back, so if anyone wants a giant pet bug, you can have him. I figure he might be a cool pet, or maybe someone needs a giant bug for their school science project. He might be some rare tropical creature that somehow made it here in a shipping container coming from Thailand, and he secretly holds the cure to cancer. He could be in everyone's yard too though, I don't know much about giant bugs. Either way, he'll be chilling in a plastic humus container until this evening. I'd love to find him a home far from here, but if nobody wants him by tonight, he's going in the neighbors yard.

FOLLOW UP:

After a few dozen responses, it looks like the overwhelming consensus says Mr. Bug is a Jerusalem Cricket, also known as the common Potato bug, Earth Baby, Nino de la Tierra (thats spanish for Nino of the Tierra), and my favorite, "Old bald-headed Man." Thank you all for educating me on my local bug trivia, I received some pretty entertaining responses. One guy wanted to come get him to replace his deceased scorpion, giving Mr. Bug a full terrarium all to himself, but then I was informed that he'd die if I didn't let him go bury himself in the dirt again. So unfortunately for scorpion guy, Mr. Bug went in the church garden across the street. Perhaps he will say a prayer for your fallen friend.

Of all the many responses, this one was by far the most entertaining (although I don't condone bug mutilation):

My suggestion to you: Destroy it.

I've found the best way is to flatten them, separate the bug into pieces, flatten each piece, then bury the pieces separately as far away from each other as possible.

Do not touch the bug, they bite.

Perhaps a little background as to why I hate these so vehemently; About twenty years ago, when I was a young boy of seven-going-on-eight, I had my first real experience with said bugs. My cousins and I had caught a couple of baby lizards on a hike in the local riverbed. These we placed in an empty pickle jar, dutifully poking holes in the lid to allow air to ventilate, and laying a thin layer of sand for the lizards to crawl on. On our way home, we caught one of these bugs, a rather large one, thought it cool, and placed it in the jar with the lizards. Being young and innocent, we left the jar on a table in my house, nearby where my uncle was napping, whilst we attended to other matters of interest.

My uncle recounted the aweful crunching that woke him, a sound he could identify but not locate.

Upon investigation, we noticed our jar of pets now only contained one very fat bug, and two severed lizard tails. There was no way the lizards could have escaped; as young boys, we were versed in the ways of effective lizard captivity.

As a means to justify our horror, and hopefully quell any nightmares that might arise, we decided to kill the offending insect. This proved much more difficult than one might have guessed; We first flattened it with a shovel, thinking that should have firmly executed the creature. When the shovel was raised, the bug was crawling away from the scene, still very alive. My cousins and I panicked, gathered rocks, bricks, and any other heavy, handy object, and dealt the creature's sentence.

On another occasion, two or three years afterwards, I rolled over in my sleep one night only to find my pillow had acquired a hard, knobby feel. Still mostly asleep, I attempted to fluff my pillow back into its usual softness, only to find my pillow had grown feelers and attempted to escape me. Opening my eyes, one of the very same Potato Bugs stared me in the face not an inch away from my mouth. Needless to say, I screamed for my father, who rushed into the room, noted the bug, and rushed right back out. He returned with a hammer, which he first used ot fling the bug from my bed, then struck repeated, lethal, blows to the offender. The death of this bug required more than ten solid hits with a claw hammer.

Another occasion happened when I was quite older.

At twenty years old, I worked as a Technician in a call center which happened to have me on an early schedule, with an added half hour commute to work. One morning, crawling out of bed at four a.m. to prepare for my drive, I tried to pull on a pair of pants, and lo-and-behold, out with my foot appears the biggest yet of any of the bugs I'd encountered. Needless to say, this one also required extermination to appease the feeling of filth acquired from the invasion of my personal space. I first stomped the bug flat, then carried it outside, poured lighter fluid on it, and tossed it, along with a lit match, into my bar-b-que. I watched for several minutes, until I was sure the bug had blackened enough, and was no longer moving. That afternoon, returning from work, I noted that the bug was missing from my bar-b, and found tracks on the ground leading away from the grill.

I've had other, similarly horrid encounters with these insects, but I think my point is clear:

Destroy it!

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I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight...